This past Weds, the stent placed to drain my kidney was removed. It was not fun, but it was a fairly quick procedure and I was glad to be rid of it. The ultrasound had showed that my kidney was no longer swollen with water, and had drained to a more normal size. The tissue didn’t look as healthy, and my left kidney was enlarged, so there was thought to be some compensation, where the left kidney has to take over more duties since the right wasn’t working as well.

You could hardly blame it. It had been compressed due to water pressure since my 3rd trimester, or April of 2012. Over a year. It’s not the most ideal conditions for cellular health.

But then, last night, the low, pressing, aching pain that mounted quickly in intensity. The familiar reach around my entire back, side, and front, as though there was a mass growing inside me. Pain grew unbearable. We went to the ER- all 3 of us. Morphine. Anti-spasm medication. The ultrasound techs wouldn’t be back until the morning, so we told we could leave and come back first thing in the morning. At midnight, we headed home to get some sleep.

Back here at 645 with a very tired baby, mama and dad. Pain no longer excruciating, just a uncomfortable, thick, throbbing, but I guess that’s just because I adapted to it (what else can one do?) because my body decided to vomit. There was no other reason for me to be sick, so it must have been pain that Im just no longer sensing.

The ultrasound shows that the hydronephrosis is back.

This likely means another surgery, this time they will have to cut and remove and reattach whatever vessel is obstructing my kidney’s drainage. (That’s the theory anyway, that there is a crossing vessel, that somehow something happened while everything shifted when I was pregnant.)

In the meantime, they will probably place another stent. This is desirable because I want to save as much kidney function as I can. This is undesirable because it was a painful, troublesome procedure, that kept me being able to be a mom to Adahlia for a short time. Any time when I am laid up is too much time, in my opinion. It’s very upsetting to not be able to care for ones own child.

Realizing that the problem was not resolved by the last procedure is upsetting news because I had made plans to begin working at my friends’ clinic for half a day, one day a week, starting next week.

Luckily, Joe is able to be here for me, driving me to the hospital and caring for the baby…

… who is not looking well. She went 5 weeks last transfusion, but she has had a rough time since then. She probably could have used blood this past week, at 3 weeks. I am certain she will be transfused at 4 weeks, this coming week. She hasn’t looked this bad in a long while.

We have received some financial help and we really appreciate it. In a strange twist of fate, this is the absolute best places in the nation for kidney surgery and transplant for me, and one of the best for children’s blood disorders and cancers, too. We cannot get this combination of top-quality western, natural, and oriental medicine anywhere else in the country. We need to try to stay within a drive’s radius, as flying with Adahlia is dangerous and can only be attempted during a small window of time after a transfusion, and coordinating her complementary medicine care for that window would be very difficult, if not impossible. Moreover, as an immune-compromised and unvaccinated child, flying is an unnecessary risk that could endanger her life. Doing it occasionally is I’ve thing. Doing it routinely would be imprudent. (We are slowly starting to vaccinate, on a very careful schedule, but that doesn’t change the fact that she has low white cells and is vulnerable to infection, and complications from infections.)

We need to make it work here, for her sake, and mine. We appreciate your unflagging compassion, help, love, prayer, and support. What is typically a time of great joy and celebration – the first years of a new family together – has been studded with sickness and tragic revelation. We acknowledge it, because it is truly sad, but it doesn’t help us to mourn what is simply the loss of an ideal. We remain very much in love and try to remain vigilant about redirecting our focus on trusting this journey. The truth is that we are some of the luckiest people on earth. Being with the ones you love, in sickness and in health, and seeing the beauty in the ordinary and extreme, makes it special.

We have had a difficult road, and we really wish it were over, so that we could rebuild our lives, but perhaps the roughest times are ahead, for Adahlia and I both, medically, and for all of us, financially. We have been very lucky, indeed, to have managed to keep a safe and beautiful, healthy and stable roof over Adahlia’s head. We would live anywhere, Joe and I, but we do hope circumstances will allow us to find something of decent quality for Adahlia to live in, something around $800 a month. We could make anything work, as far as size is concerned. Our current rent is twice that amount, simply way too high, something we could afford before our health crashed and Joe lost his job through no fault of his own, but we certainly cannot afford now. If you hear of something, run by compassionate and trusting people, please let us know. We have excellent credit and landlord references. We have never been evicted and we don’t intend for this time to be the first.

Thank you so much for being who you are, and being here with us.