Somethings you don’t want to hear your surgeon say in the course of surgery include:

“Oh dear.”

“Oops, now, this is tricky”

“Do you see that? I’ve done hundreds if these but this one…”

“Let me call Dr X and see if he can come over. Im not willing to apply the force required. Maybe he’s on his lunch break.”

“Luckily, all we had on hand was the long-lasting spinal anesthetic, so we used the 2.5 hr instead of the 45 min.”

“We’ll have to put you under if this doesn’t work. Or have you come back another day. This is the last thing we can try before we open you up.”

The day was a riot. Everyone was awesome.

I started early that morning, before I got out of bed, by setting a couple intentions in the Traditional Usui Reiki tradition, filling the hospital with light and love, filling my care team with light, and setting and accepting that everything would happen for my highest good.

When I got to the hospital, I was prepped for surgery. Sitting cross legged on my bed and naked under my hospital gown, I explained to my surgeon and anesthesiologist my occasional days of lack of pain, my willingness to do surgery if necessary, my desire to do everything needed for my health but no unnecessary procedures, for I did not want any unnecessary trauma to my body. The doctors were attentive, and I witnessed the tensions I had sensed from my surgeon over our previous phone call evaporate. She was reasonable and understanding. They contacted imaging and squeezed me in immediately for an ultrasound of my kidneys. Yup, the right one still was swollen with a “bear claw” indicating tissue damage. It appears that over the last 6 months, I have simply found ways to turn off and cope with the pain. Makes sense.

It is a lot better to go into surgery 100% behind it, knowing you need it, than have doubts in your mind. Given what followed, it was very good that I was committed to the surgery, for it did not go easily.

It took 2 anesthesiologists a total of 6 spinal pokes to get me “paralyzed from the waist down, numb from the chest down.” A spinal is a couple layers deeper than an epidural (given for cesareans). I chose a spinal over general anesthesia because it would not affect my milk and there were less risks, given my heart rhythm irregularity. It would be better for Adahlia, for me not to take chemicals into my milk or risk my life.

What was incredibly fun is that an MD-acupuncturist, one I’ve worked with in the past, was able to come do some acu anesthesia before I went in to the OR. I had emailed her two days prior, and she came in on her day off to do it for me. I was absolutely thrilled to see her.

As you can probably tell from my quotes, the surgery itself didn’t go according to plan. To get my twisted, compressed ureter to open, my surgeon had to call in one of the top urologists, a guy often voted “Best Of…” in Portland Monthly magazine. It felt like my kidney was a fish at the end of a fishing line and he was flopping it all over inside my body. A very surreal feeling. It also kind of felt like how a dog shakes a chew toy in games of tugofwar. Extraordinary, to be conscious while your insides are being manipulated and thrashed. When the ureter opened, and the kidney drained, it was like a dam bursting with a roar, and I could feel all the liquid draining from my kidney. It was wonderful.

So it all worked out. The last few days I’ve been resting, healing. Peeing blood. You know, the usual post-surgical joys. But I’m very glad I did it.

And it makes so much sense from a Chinese medicine and energy medicine perspective why Adahlia is having her bone marrow difficulties.

In biomedicine, it is understood that the brain undergoes significant development in the 3rd trimester. The brain, bone marrow, and kidney are part of the same system in Chinese medicine. In the 3rd trimester, my right kidney went into acute failure, as my right ureter became occluded. At this time, I also noted that my right kidney pulse (chi) had sunk and was barely palpable. These pulses are typically very strong while pregnant. While I was able to come out of acute failure, carry the pregnancy to term, and deliver vaginally, I did experience subsequent acute kidney episodes.

The right kidney in Chinese medicine is called the “Gate of Life.” It is the entry point for your prenatal energies into the physical, postnatal world. (Interestingly, according to my surgeon, most people who have kidney problems experience those problems with the left kidney. The right kidney is simply that important.)

When my kidney went into failure, it created a shock throughout my body, surely impacting Adahlia in the womb. It is no wonder that her gene expression for DBA switched on, that she developed inflammation in her brain (which develops during 3rd trimester) and began to have difficulties post birth. Energetically, if my own Life Gate was faltering, then Adahlia surely would have trouble igniting the fire of her own and incarnating. It is no secret that the health and vitality of the mother impacts the vitality of the babe. It may even have to do with mechanotransduction: how cells sense biological, chemical, informational and energetic changes in the cellular matrix and adjust their own processes accordingly, even down to DNA changes and gene expression. And, its no wonder that latent pathogens began to stir up and cause inflammatory responses in both of us (nature abhors a vacuum).

The good news of this story is that all of the above has been and is being addressed. By unkinking my ureter, fluids and energy are able to flow in my right kidney again. I have done a great deal of work maintaining my health through this affair through diet, energy, oriental, and natural medicine, and hope to regain much of my right kidney function. Both Adahlia and I have been on a Chinese herbal formula to address hidden pathogens, and those are mostly cleared from our systems. Our inflammation is greatly reduced thanks to diet, herbs, and homeopathy.

We won’t know for awhile how much of my right kidney function will be restored. My doctor is going to do some kidney function tests in a couple months and hopes we can get at least 20% of it back. I, of course, intend to try to restore more. But even if it turns out that I have irreversible damage, I have no regrets. I have learned a lot so far on this road… more than I could have ever learned from a textbook or from case studies. Everything in my life happens because it is necessary, because there is a larger good. Of this, I am certain.

What is very interesting to me, watching myself and Adahlia through the last 2 years, is how all our various symptoms match and mirror and correlate across biomedical, natural medicine, and oriental and energy medicine perspectives. There is so much that can be done to maintain and restore health if all systems work together; if there is understanding and care taken to use each where appropriate. It is my belief that I will be able to restore a lot of my kidney function. Although it was waterlogged for some time, it was well-cared for with nutrients and moxa.

And this brings me to Adahlia.

Now, finally, my most basic life essence has been unblocked. What should have flowed to her in the womb but was stopped during the 3rd trimester, now flows freely, even if it flows weakly. It will grow stronger — for I can help it. I know the body responds favorably to reiki, energy work, moxa, acupuncture, diet, meditation, qigong, and herbs. Adahlia is still just under 11 months old. Our energies are still closely connected. It is possible, I believe, that if I am restored to health, Adahlia will suddenly find herself in spontaneous remission.

Yes, I think so. Let us make that our intention.

Thanks to all who send support, ideas, encouragement, love, and light.