Forgive this post, for it is mostly about me, not Adahlia.

I am still slated for the rescheduled kidney surgery, to place a stent in my right ureter, on Friday. Today, I had a remarkable acupuncture appt with Dr Hood. It felt immediately much better afterwards, but now the pain creeps back in, on both sides.

As I arrived home from the appt, I received a call from my surgeon. She had called to campaign for the surgery, and to apologize for being out of touch, as her mother had passed. (I told her I was very sorry to hear it.) The surgeon pressed on, talking about my options for the surgery. I asked her if there was any chance she thought I could postpone. She asked why I thought it would get better on its own, stressing that the right kidney has a structural issue (UPJ obstruction) that needs a stent. I replied that the pain comes and goes bilaterally, and that the swelling has come and gone as seen on imaging, and that I was doing things like a kidney flush.

At this point, she lost it. She literally began yelling at me for doing a kidney cleanse and for using natural and Chinese medicine. Angrily, nearly shouting, she said that herbs are dangerous, that she didn’t know “why people don’t ask us if they have questions,” and that “we have the answers.”

I nearly hung up at such an obvious fallacy. If she or anyone else had been able to give me any clear answers, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

She continued on, barely stopping to breathe, dismissing my reluctance or concerns regarding surgery, insisting that stents save kidneys and prevent dialysis.

Now, Im sure they do, but why put unnecessary foreign objects in the body? All I was trying to do was to get a feel on how necessary surgery truly is for me. After all, my pain has come and gone for over a year. Is it do or die time? Or can I try to resolve it with more visceral manipulation and natural measures? If the right ureter is partially occluded, why does the left kidney sometimes have more pain than the right? I’m not saying that there isn’t a crossing vessel or other obstruction- the doctor who did the visceral manipulation perceived one, too. (And supposedly, he rectified that.) But what if the blockage allowed some sort of toxin or pathogen to build up in my kidneys? All I’m saying is that I think the picture is a bit bigger, and I don’t feel comfortable having surgery when there are aspects of my case that don’t fit the explanation, or when the answer only addresses some of the picture. I don’t like not feeling listened to.

That’s what got me and Adahlia in this mess in the first place — no one listened when I said something was wrong, and then once stuff got real bad, suddenly folks think they know, and have the answer, but then they still don’t really listen.

Or, am I being childish? Foolish? Do I need the friggin stents? Or will it only cause more trauma, more inflammation in an already delicate area?

Because if I do the surgery, it had better be worth it. I shouldn’t breastfeed Adahlia for at least 24 hrs afterward, and she doesn’t tolerate that very well. (In fact, after the CT scan with contrast dye, I ended up having to breastfeed her just an hour later, and I was hoping to wait 12-24. But she was hysterical when I got home, had been that way for over an hour, and refused to take a bottle from me. There was nothing else to do but breastfeed her, and I still feel bad about that, even though supposedly the dye is safe. And to make it worse, the CT scan was practically useless, because the dye had not made it to the ureters before they took the pictures. All that trouble and heartache and exposure of Adahlia to dye in my milk… Practically worthless. I don’t want a repeat event.)

I’m sure my surgeon is simply stressed, especially as her mother has just died.
But the question remains: do i need this or not?

I don’t know. I do know I didn’t like being yelled at and talked at as though I were unintelligent. To her credit, she did end up apologizing, saying that she is concerned for me, and that’s why she talked to me in such a tone. And I do believe her. But part of me also can’t help but wonder if shes really thinking dispassionately, especially since she’s consulted with her colleagues, they are so certain that all I need is a stent, and I will be fine. I sense she’s got a lot invested in me. Is some of that investment her pride? Doctor knows best?

Sigh.

I have no idea what I will do.

I have taken a drastic action, though, to see if it works, if it cuts my pain and helps me say no to surgery. Back in January, before I knew it would reduce milk production, I brewed and drank some fresh parsley tea. I did notice my supply drop, and we had to work hard again to get it back up. But my kidney pain went down to nothing. I assume it helped me void. (Its really hard to say without imaging.)

Adahlia still breastfeeds… She maybe gets 20-25% of her nutrition from baby foods, but she prefers milk. She’s just been kind of slow to take to the idea of eating. I definitely don’t want to wean her when she’s not ready. I don’t want the parsley tea to end breastfeeding for us. And it is a powerful weaning agent, used to dry up the milk supply after the baby is weaned.

But I think I need to try it again. So I drank about a half cup an hour ago and will drink another half cup or so in a bit. I will just have to be diligent about pumping and feeding her as often as possible in the next 48 hours, and hopefully the stimulation will be enough to keep the milk flowing. And of course, take some lactation tonic herbs, too.